


To trust again

by clexa_addicted_writter



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Adopted Children, Alternate Universe - Homeless, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin and Lexa in Love, Comfort/Angst, Cute Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Cute Kids, Dead Costia (The 100), Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Fluff and Angst, Gay Disaster Lexa (The 100), Gay Panic, Hayden is Lexa´s kid, Homeless Clarke Griffin, Homelessness, Julia and Charlie are Clarke's kids, Lexa Takes Care of Clarke Griffin, Modern Setting Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Multi, Past Abuse, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Costia/Lexa (The 100), Past Domestic Violence, Past Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Past Violence, Sad Clarke Griffin, Sad Lexa (The 100), Sick Clarke Griffin, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Soulmates Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:33:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28180965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexa_addicted_writter/pseuds/clexa_addicted_writter
Summary: Lexa sees Clarke and she falls hard, literally.Clarke is a single mom of two, what happenswhen her abusive boyfriend kicks them out on the coldstreets in mid-winter?
Relationships: Anya/Raven Reyes, Bellamy Blake/Echo, Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Clexa - Relationship, Costia/Lexa (The 100), Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 7
Kudos: 25





	1. Winter

**Author's Note:**

> I think there´s a tremendous  
> amount of guilt that goes on  
> between mothers and daughters,  
> no matter how good or how bad  
> their relationships are.

Its a cold winterevening and its freezing. Luckily for Lexa she´s in her warm and black BMW X3 after a long day at court, she had lots of documents to read and take notes from. So she had to call her daughter´s babysitter Olivia, since she wouldnt be home before 5. As she drove in the streets of New York she noticed Christmas decorations, everywhere where bright colorfull lights, Christmas trees. Some children where building snowmans and even having snowfights. Christmas is the hardest time of the year for her and Hayden, Christmas was Costia´s favourite time of the year.But ever since she died, they´ve been spending Christmas alone. Ofcourse her sister-in-law, Octavia, has tried to convince her to spend the holidays with her, Lincoln and her two kids in Boston, but she was never in the mood. Sadly for her Christmas will be in 7 days...

She parks the car infront of her home, and gets out of the car. The cold air sends a shiver down her spine, she lets out a cold breath. Lexa opens the door, and gets in. She immedietly feels the warmth of her home, she gets her coat and scarf off. She makes her way over to the living room, and isn´t surprised to see only the babysitter, Olivia, sitting on the couch. Lexa and her daughter where really close before Costia died, she always came running to the door when Lexa came home from work. But ever since Costia died 2 years ago, it has been te complete opposite. They dont spend much time together anymore, Hayden even stopped calling her mom, instead its just Lexa. Lexa herself never wanted kids, but it was Costia´s big wish. Costia carried their baby, she was so excited. Lexa was excited too but she didnt believe that you could love your child so much, that was until she met their baby girl. Hayden become the wonder of her life. Hayden weight 7,5 pounds when she was born, she was as healthy as she could be. But when she was 5 years old she got a seizure, she got diagnosed with epilepsy. She didnt get any seizures anymore since, but that changed after Costia´s death. Costia had always known how to deal with everything, but Lexa, she had no idea in how to parent a 9 year old on her own. So she was kinda glad for giving her daughter a phone. Or at least, she was sometimes glad for it as there were many times when she just didn’t know how to talk to her daughter. But Lexa would have wanted to wait a little longer with giving her daughter her own phone. But it changes when your parent doesn’t know how to deal with the loss, or deal with parenting without her wife.

"Hi Miss Francis", Olivia says as she put the volume of the tv down "Hayden is in her room, she didnt really want to talk today" she tells her.

Lexa sighs but nodds "Okay, Thank you for comming Olivia. I´ll transfer your salary today, you can go now" she tells the girl and she nodds "Thank you, see you Miss Francis", Olivia heads out of the door.

Lexa notices that its 6 pm, so she looks in the fridge, as most times, she forgot to do the groceries. The only choice left is take away then, as she´s about to go upstairs to Hayden´s room she notices a paper sticking out of Hayden´s backpack. She stares a little at it but decides to take a look at it, incase its a grade or something important. Instead, its a drawing, of Hayden and a woman with blonde hair and green eyes...Costia. ´My family´ it says Lexa started to blink rapidly to try and stop from crying, instead it resulted into hot tears falling down her cheeks. Knowing that her wife wont come back anymore is killing her, but knowing that her own daughter doesnt like her anymore is even worse to realize.

She hears footsteps comming down the stairs, she quickly puts the drawing back and heads to the kitchen. She wipes away her tears with the ends of her sleeves and pretends to do something on her phone. Hayden comes in and she mumbles a quick hello while staring at her phone. "Hi Haydy ho-", Lexa says but gets cut off by Hayden "Dont call me that" she says slightly annoyed.

"Okay, well how was your day", Lexa asks and Haydey shruggs "Okay, I guess" she responds.

"Good, I´m going to order, what do you want?" Lexa asks.

"Chinese, the one with chicken" she says and Lexa nodds "Chinese it is".

They waited about 40 minutes for their chinese, they ate in silence, Hayden being bussy with her phone again like a typical tween. Lexa has tried taking her phone from her but that only resulted to Hayden crying and calling Costia´s sister, Alicia, telling her to come and get her. So she just decided to leave it. After dinner Hayden went upstairs and she got showered, while Lexa is cleaning the table. Afterwards Lexa transfered the salary to Olivia her bank account. It was 8.30 pm and Lexa peeked into Haydens room to see if she´s asleep, after making sure she was Lexa jumped in the shower too. While showering she started thinking about how they are going to make it trough this Christmas. After the refreshing shower Lexa climbs into her queen bed. She lays on her side, facing the other side of the bed.

Gosh, how much she still misses her warmth.


	2. Leaving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I trusted you but now your words mean nothing to me, because your actions spoke the truth.

She doesn't want to go, but she has to. 

Last night was hell, he kept screaming at her. Plates and glasses were being thrown through the air, falling loudly on the ground. She can´t take it anymore. She can't see her children scared almost every day when he comes home. But she has nowhere to go, she could go to her family but she hasn't seen them in a long time. And her friends, she keeps pushing them away every time. Always telling that she´s too busy with the kids. But the real reason was, scared to tell them about it, it would only result in more fights.

Clarke wakes up after a restless night, her back aching due to sleeping on the ground and because of Finn. 'When I´m back from work tomorrow, you and your mistakes are gone! Do you hear me!' the worlds keep lingering in her head. It's quiet, which means that he has probably left for work. She gets up from the cold floor and walks out of the room. Straight into the room of her two children, checking on them if they´re alright. She opens the door halfway and peeks through, she can only see Charlie´s bed first. It's empty. 

Her stomach drops, she opens the door completely now. She lets out a sigh of relief, Charlie is laying in bed with Julia. They have definitely heard the fight last night. Charlie has always relied on his big sister when his parents were fighting, they took care of each other. But Clarke knows that they shouldn't have too, they deserve better. She smiles at the sight, Julia has her arm laid protectively across her little brother. While Charlie is holding on tight to his stuffed monkey. But her smile quickly drops as she realizes what they´re going to do today.

Julia starts to stir, she slowly opens her eyes. They´re so blue, just like her mommy´s.

"Goodmorning Ladybug", Clarke says as she puts her hand in her daughter's brown locks "Are you okay Mommy? Is he gone," she asks. Yep, she heard them fight. "Yeah, I´m okay. Don´t worry sweetie, he has gone to work" Clarke responds with a smile. 

She looks unconvinced but nods "Are we going to eat breakfast?" she asks "Yeah, come out of bed real quiet okay. We´ll let your brother sleep".

Julia nods and gets slowly out of bed, Charlie stirs a bit but keeps sleeping. They walk out of the bedroom and walk into the kitchen. Glass and shards spread on the floor, Clarke curses herself for not cleaning it up earlier. Clarke stops her daughter quickly so she won't stand in the shards.

"He did this, didn't he" she asks "It's fine, I´ll just clean this up real quick" Clarke says, trying to change the subject. She picks up the dustpan and starts to gather the glass and shards. Suddenly she hears little sniffles behind her.

"I don´t want you to die" Julia says as she starts to cry, Clarke immediately stops with cleaning "No baby, I´m right here okay? I´m not going anywhere" Clarke comforts her daughter as she pulls her in for a hug.

"Okay", she says as she hugs her mommy tight, Clarke lets go of the embrace. Julia has stopped crying, so Clarke gets back to cleaning. Being a mom isn´t easy, especially if your boyfriend is abusive. She remembers when Charlie got born, that's when it started, she was so scared for them. Clarke didn't leave them alone with him, not even for a split second. Even now that they´re older, nothing has changed. Charlie is just 5 years old, luckily he doesn't understand everything yet. But Julia is already 8, she understands. 

Clarke shakes of her thoughts and finishes cleaning, "All done!" she says and Julia gets into the kitchen, she wants to open a cabin. But she´s too short to reach it. Clarke watches as her daughter gets a chair to reach it, she´s starting to get more and more independent. She pulls out a box of cheerios and gets off the chair. 

Clarke gets 3 bowls and 3 spoons out of the drawer and places them on the table. Julia gets the milk out of the fridge and places it on the table. 

"Can we go and wake Charlie?" the 8-year-old asks "Yeah, let's go" Clarke says, they walk into their bedroom and giggle, "He´s snoring".

"Wake up sleepyhead" Clarke slowly says, Charlie opens his eyes and yawns "Goodmorning monkey" he smiles "Morning" he says as he stretches.

"Come on, let's eat breakfast" Julia says as she rushes into the kitchen again. Charlie gets out of bed and runs into the kitchen too, Clarke is surprised that he didn't ask any questions. It's the worst fight they´ve ever had, so far.

They all sit down at the table while eating their cereal. Well, only the kids are eating it. Clarke can´t get anything in her system, because she will need to tell her kids the news. But she doesn't know how to. 'By the way, we are going to get out of the house before your father gets back since he doesn't want us here anymore' definitely not. Clarke feels a hand shaking her and she gets out of her trance.

"Mommy, why aren't you eating?", her eldest asks concerned , Clarke has no choice but to spit it out "Well, I wanted to talk to you about something. You know mommy loves you two a lot" she says, and the two nod.

"Well, mommy loved your father once too, we loved each other a lot. But he started drinking a lot of drinks that cause people to become mean and mad sometimes, but only if they drink too many drinks for a long time" Charlie looked confused, but Julia understands better "He´s not my dad anymore" Julia says as she tears up a little, but she doesn't cry.

"He is your father, even if he doesn't act like it" Clarke says, everyone remains silent "But we have to go away for some time" Clarke says.

"Why?" Charlie asks "Us 3 are going on a little trip" Clarke says to make it sound better, "Cool!" Charlie says. 

"Yeah, why don't you go pack your bag bud. The paw patrol one, okay?" she says and Charlie nods excited, immediately leaving the room. 

Clarke looks at her eldest, shes confused "Where are we going?" she asks, "We´ll see", Clarke says, 

Because really, that's all she could say.


	3. Arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend you to listen to the song,  
> it gives a clearer overview.  
> Arms - Christina Perri  
> Every time I listen to this song I can't help but tear up.  
> I feel like Lexa really relates to this fully.
> 
> Also please let me know what you think if the story so far,  
> if you have any requests Id love to hear them and add  
> them to the story!

It's Friday, which means that Lexa has a day off. She has just dropped Hayden off at school, which means that she´ll be alone till 2 pm and currently it's 8 am. She´s driving to what used to be her and Costia´s favorite dinner place, but they also have breakfast since it's open 24/7. It's about a 10-minute drive so she decides to put on the radio. Her ears get filled with a song, a song that she hasn't heard in 2 years, partly because she's been trying to avoid it.

_I never thought that You would be the one to hold my heart_

_But you came around And you knocked me off the ground from the start_

_Lexa starts to shed tears, she wants to turn it off, but something in her won't let her._

_You put your arms around me And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go_

_You put your arms around me and I'm home_

The bridge is the part that hits her the most, 'I'm home', that's how Lexa has always felt with Costia. Costia was her home. Whenever she came back from a stressful day Costia was there, snuggling up on the couch next to her. They would talk for hours and watch sappy movies while eating ice cream, mint for Lexa, and cookie dough for Costia. Costia never understood the love Lexa had for mint ice cream.

_How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?_

_I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown_

_I hope that you see right through my walls_

_I hope that you catch me cause I'm already falling_

_I'll never let our love get so close_

_You put your arms around me and I'm home_

She can't cry, she doesn't want to be weak. She hasn't given herself time to grief, all she did was closing herself off. From her parents, friends even her own daughter. Lexa has the feeling that she failed everyone, mostly Hayden. She closed her off at the time that she needed her the most, Hayden had to be strong at the time a child shouldn't have to.

_The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to_

_be loved_

_I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone_

_You put your arms around me_

_And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go..._

_I hope that you see right through my walls_

_I hope that you catch me cause I'm already falling  
_

_I'll never let a love get so close  
_

_You put your arms around me and I'm home._

This was their favorite song, Costia said that it reminded her of them. It reminded her of their relationship and little family. Costia would sing it to Hayden when she was little, her voice made her sleep instantly. She even sang it to Lexa a couple of times, for example when she was having bad stomach flu, her voice was soothing.

_I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth_

_And I've never opened up_

  
_I've never truly loved 'till you put your arms around me_

  
_And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go_

_I hope that you see right through my walls_

  
_I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling_

  
_I'll never let a love get so close_

  
_You put your arms around me and I'm home_

_You put your arms around me and I'm home_

As the last sentence ends, Lexa is shedding tears. The last time she heard the song was 2 years ago in the hospital...

_It was a Saturday evening, Lexa was having a long day at work, she was about to leave the office when she heard her phone ring._

_"Hello Lexa Francis speaking", Lexa answered on the phone, "Hello Miss. Francis, I´m Hannah from the NY hospital. I´m calling to inform you that your wife has been in a car accident" the woman on the other line said._

_As soon as Lexa had heard those words she hung up, absolutely terrified for her wife._

_She took her handbag and got out of her room as quickly as her legs would let her, she got strange looks from people who were standing in the hallway._

_But she ignored everyone, all that mattered was getting to the hospital. She got in her car and drove off quickly, the hospital was about 10 minutes away._

_As she drove she called Anya, Hayden went to play with a friend, and Lexa was supposed to pick her up at 6 pm._

_Anya had immediately told her that she would pick her up, Lexa told her the address and Anya told her to keep her updated. Lexa didn't call anyone else yet since she didn't know how bad it was and didn't want to pannick anyone._

_Lexa was driving past the speed limit and ignored some traffic lights, luckily the police didn't catch her._

_She finally reached the hospital and parked her car, she hurried her way over to the reception._

_"I got a call that my wife came in, she was in a car accident her name is Costia Francis" Lexa said and the nurse nodded "You can take place in the waiting room, her doctor will be here shortly" the woman says_

_"Is she alright?" she asks worried "I´m sorry miss but I don't get any information on that" she replied and Lexa nodded, she sat down In the waiting room._

_She had an unsettling feeling about it all, Lexa hoped that Costia would be okay, but deep down she knew something was very wrong. Lexa was supposed to go to the pharmacy to pick up her prescription, Sumatriptan to be exact. The medicine helped her reduce the pain she got due to her migraines, but since she had to stay longer Costia told her she´d pick it up. All Lexa could do was sit down and wait for the doctor to arrive. After about 10 minutes that felt like hours, the doctor came to Lexa._

_And that's when she received the worst news she ever heard, Costia is in a coma, and by the look of her injuries they can't do anything to help her anymore, she won't wake up. The doctor told her to visit her now while she's still here, Lexa couldn't believe what she was hearing. She wanted to cry, but she won't, not in front of anyone here at least. The doctor told her the room where she was, Lexa left without another word._

She stood in front of the room, she let out a shaky breath as she opened the door. And there she was, her wife, lying motionless in the hospital bed while hooked up to all kinds of machines.

 _"Oh Cos" she gasped as s_ he sat down on the chair beside her lover. The doctor was right, of course, it looked bad. Her head was wrapped in bandages, scars covering her beautiful face.

She took her hand in hers and kissed her, she couldn't hold her tears anymore. Hot tears were now flowing without a stop, rolling down Lexa´s cheeks _"Cos, please baby wake up" she said as sobs wracked her body._

_"I need you, Hayden needs you, she needs us" Lexa says while stroking her hand "I- I-cant do this without you", she says and all their memories flash in front of Lexa._

_The first time they kissed at the party, Hayden being born, their marriage, and even fights they had, Lexa saw it all over again._

_She kissed Costia on her head "Please baby, how can I do this without you" Lexa feels absolutely defeated, Costia is dying in front of her eyes and she can´t do anything about it._

_Lexa looks at the monitor beside her, her heart starts beating slower and slower by the minute._

_Lexa gets off the chair and sits down on the bed, she gets into a laying position on the edge of the bed and holds Costia close to her "Your okay" she says, mostly to herself. But she knows she´s not._

_Her heart is slowly giving out, Lexa wants to comfort her wife, all she could think of is singing, so that's what she did "The world is coming down on me" she sings as her tears still don't seem to stop coming._

_"You put your arms around me"_

_"And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go"_

_"You put your arms around me and I'm home"_

_"I love you so much,_ _" Lexa says as she gives one last kiss to her lips._

_The monitor let out its awful flatline, Costia is gone..._

Lexa still blames herself for that night, she´s gone because of her, because she needed her stupid medicine.

She arrives at the dinner place, she parks her car in the parking lot.

Lexa dries her cheeks with her sleeve, her head is throbbing, _great._

She gets some Advil out of her bag and downs it with some water from her water bottle.

She looks in her rear-view mirror, her mascara didn't get smeared all around her face, luckily. She doesn't want anyone to notice she cried, especially not now because she knows the owner of the dinner.

She gets her bag and gets out of her car, she goes into the place, "Hi Gus" she greets and Gustus smiles at her "Hey Lexa, the usual?" he asks and Lexa nods "Yeah".

She gets to the back and sees a blonde with two kids sitting at the table where she usually sits. The woman is cleaning up her son´s mouth, which is covered in syrup, a smile tugs on Lexa´s lips. It reminds her of how Hayden used to get messy while eating as a toddler. The blonde looks her in the eyes, they´re really blue, Lexa catches herself staring. Clarke has just now noticed the woman staring at her, she blushes slightly, her eyes are really beautiful. As Lexa turns around someone bumps into her and she falls to the ground. Lexa lets out a groan,

"Omg, sorry Lexa. I didn't see you there" Harper, the waitress, and friend of Lexa says. Lexa hears little footsteps coming up to her, she looks up from the ground and sees the little boy standing in front of her.

"Are you okay?", the little boy asks and Lexa nods "Yeah, I´m okay" she responds with a smile. Lexa gets up off the ground, his big blue eyes are staring curiously at Lexa.

"What's your name" he asks "I´m Lexa, what's your name" Lexa thinks his speech is adorable "Charlie, it's nice to meet you" he says and Lexa nodds "It's nice to meet you too Charlie", Lexa is impressed by the manners of the little boy.

Clarke notices that Charlie ran off, again. She has told him a million times to stay seated. But the five-year-old cant stay put, she sees him talking to the woman, Clarke isn't surprised because he's quite the extrovert.

The blonde, which Lexa assumes is his mom, comes walking up to them "Charlie, what did I tell you about running off?", the blonde asks "I´m sorry for him bothering you" Clarke says.

"He wasn't bothering, he's a really nice kid" Lexa says as she smiles "Thanks" Clarke responds. "I´m Lexa" Lexa says as she extends her hand and Clarke excepts it "I'm Clarke, nice to meet you" the blonde says "Likewise" Lexa says.

"Do you want to sit with us?" Charlie asks with pleading eyes, "Oh, I don't want to bother. Besides I´m just waiting for my order" Lexa says as she looks up to Clarke "You´re not bothering Lexa, you can wait while you sit with us. Only if you want to?".

"I´d like that" Lexa says, Clarke smiles and they walk to the table. "Julie, this is Lexa" Clarke introduces Lexa, Julia is looking anywhere but at Lexa "Hi" she quietly says.

"Sorry, she's really shy" Clarke says and Lexa understands "No worries, I was shy as a kid too and It's nice to meet you" she says and the girl gives her a shy smile.

Charlie scoots over to make place for Lexa, Lexa sits down beside the little boy. 

"What is your favorite color?", the five-year-old asks, Lexa thinks for a bit but answers "I like blue, just like the ocean, what about you?", she asks and the boy thinks for a while "I like green, like a dino" he says and Clarke and Lexa laugh at that,

"What about you 2?" Lexa asks Julia and Clarke "I like green, it reminds me of nature", Clarke says, and now its Julie´s turn, "yellow, like the sun" she quietly says, Clarke is surprised, Julia has always been uncomfortable with a stranger. She always kept silent, she knew Clarke´s friends for years, and she was always quiet around them.

"I like the sun too" Lexa answers and she earns another smile from Julia.

"We are going on a trip" Charlie says with a toothy grin "Oh really where to?" Lexa asks as she looks at Clarke, Clarke´s facial expression changes suddenly "We don't know yet" she says.

Lexa seems confused, "How do you mean you do-" she gets cut off by Clarke "Look it's none of your business okay" she says.

Lexa seems confused but nods, "Sorry I didn't mea-" Lexa gets interrupted by Gustus "Lexa your order is ready", he says, Lexa stands up not wanting to make the conversation worse, but Charlie seems confused, "Why are you leaving" he asks.

"Honey, she has places to be too" Clarke answers and Charlie nods in defeat "It was nice to meet you, have a nice day" Lexa says "Bye Lexa" Lexa smiles as she walks to Gustus, "Made some friends I see" Gustus says "I guess" Lexa responds while she gets the bag with her order, Lexa gives Gustus $20 and he sighs "Lexa, I told you, your basically family to me. You don't have to pay", but Lexa ignores him "Have a good day Gus", she says and Gustus smiles, shaking his head "You too Lexa".

Lexa gets into her car, confused about the blondes, Clarke, her sudden reaction. She decides to leave it, she won't see them around anymore probably, or will she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are looking for a happy ending  
> and can't find one,  
> start a new beginning instead.


End file.
